His Mother Was a Star

Speaker 1: (00:05)

Testing [inaudible].  

Speaker 2: (01:57)

Can you hear me? I’m good. Oh, good. Good. I could see you log on. It’s such a strange program that gives us, connects us, but doesn’t give, give either of us like a ring or a, or a tone or anything. It’s just that suddenly words suddenly were together. I was just sitting here waiting for the phone to ring. Doesn’t that? Isn’t that the natural talk with you. Thank you for inviting me. Oh, I’m so excited. Um, tell me really quick, how to pronounce your last name? The last name is D gangy. Oh, I’ve lost you Kanji. Degangie yup. Okay. Oh, fun. Okay, awesome. Awesome. Mr. Gait. Degangie all right, so, um, thank you so much for giving me some of your time this morning. Um, so you, you reached out and to me, because you have written a book called the gift best given and what your, um, what your story is interesting for, from my perspective for my podcast is because you’re somebody that you have correct me if I’m wrong, but you’ve, you always knew you were adopted, right? 

 Speaker 3: (03:28)

Well, I’ve known since I was a child, probably eight, nine, 10 years old. Do you remember that conversation? It was never a conversation. The only conversation I recall is somewhere, you know, probably before that time is I was about to go out and play and I remember kind of a fumbled conversation on my mother’s part saying, somebody may tell you, you don’t blow to us, but that doesn’t matter. Don’t worry about it. And it was kind of confusing, but, you know, it’s one of those moments where I looked at it and said, okay, can I go out and play now? And, and that’s what I did, you know, it’s, it’s interesting because my wife, before we were married, traveled with my mother one day on a flight, my mother openly discussed my adoption and I had never discussed it with my, with my wife to be at that point. And yeah, my mother told her that, well, you know, the doctors told us always hold your baby and say, you’re a wonderful adopted baby. And I have no doubt that she did that. But someplace along the line, she stopped before I was not just what, what I was hearing. Right. 

 Speaker 2: (04:50)

Okay. So she, so it wasn’t ever really a part of the narrative, but then she openly talked about it later as you, when you were an adult? 

 Speaker 3: (04:57)

No, no, it was, it was never discussed. And that was probably as much my fault as hers, but, you know, Danny Shapiro talks about secrets, then, you know, the secrets people keep from us and we keep from others. We keep from ourselves. I know I’m pretty sure she knew. I knew we just never discussed it. And I think my take was, if it’s something others aren’t talking about, well, I’m not going to bring it up. 

 Speaker 2: (05:28)

Right, right. Waiting for someone else to take the lead, which I think is natural. Um, and okay. And then, um, so just a couple other details. Um, do you have, did you have siblings? 

 Speaker 3: (05:43)

Well, I was brought up as an only child. 

 Speaker 2: (05:45)

Okay. And then, so then, okay. So then that, that answers my next question, which was that, um, there was sort of this, I, you sort of knew this idea deep down, but you weren’t, that wasn’t something that was with you and your friends? 

 Speaker 3: (05:59)

No, it was not. Okay. 

 Speaker 2: (06:02)

Um, I didn’t, I D I imagined that you, that it wasn’t, but I thought I would ask anyway, um, just as I was like, sort of piecing together the story and, um, I got to read the first part of your book, which is so great. Um, your writing is so descriptive. 

 Speaker 3: (06:18)

No, thank you. So interesting. The interest, excuse me. The interesting part was after the book was published, I had a couple of cousins who read it, who I had never had this discussion with. And one co one wrote me saying, I am so sorry. I always knew my mother said, don’t say anything. I should have told you. I had another cousin. So I always knew that, you know, it was no secret. So I obviously, I was the only one that was kind of out in the dark for this. 

 Speaker 2: (06:53)

Yeah. That, I think that that is not unusual. 

 Speaker 3: (06:56)

Yeah. No, I don’t think so either. 

 Speaker 2: (07:01)

So, um, so why don’t you like, um, walk me through a little bit of the, of the process for yourself. Um, you, you knew you were adopted, but you weren’t, as far as I understand it, you were not especially interested in, in your, uh, origin story. Um, but tell me, so tell me about that and, and how that changed and how this book came to be. 

 Speaker 3: (07:21)

Well, I, you know, I, I had, I guess the idyllic life, we lived in a suburb outside of Manhattan in New York city, uh, lived a very good life. And I just, you know, even from the time that I understood that I was adopted, I suppose there was part of me that didn’t want to rock the boat, but the greater part of me said, it doesn’t matter. You know, my parents were very loving, very supportive. There was little that I wanted. Yeah. That I, that I needed that I didn’t have. And so I just, that just sort of modeled long periodically. I would, I would have thought about it and yeah, I wonder who my mother is. I never gave a second stop. My father was, but then I had the occasional thought there was she that she, I think I may have said this, my email to you. 

 Speaker 3: (08:20)

Yeah. She was some school girl who stayed out too late one night and came back and found that she was pregnant. And I just, that was my image. And that it was just somebody who, from there yeah. Went on with her life as I had gotten on with mine. And, um, at about the age of says, I approached my 70th birthday and I’m 72. So I guess was a little bit before then. Uh, we had my wife’s mother and father who had lived in New Jersey, come down here to North Carolina because they were in compromised health. And over a fairly short period of time, we lost them both. And we were up in New Jersey in touring. My father-in-law’s remains. And the day before we went to the cemetery there, we went to another cemetery, which is where the, uh, my adoptive mother’s family by and large were, were buried. 

 Speaker 3: (09:30)

And it just brought back some old memories. So it started to spur some curiosity on my part. And I had also just read a book by Daniel Mendelson. It’s called the loss, the search of six of 6 million. And it’s a wonderful book. I would recommend it to anybody. And it talks about his search for six relatives who there is during the Holocaust he went through. And I just was so envious of his ability to go and travel as he did to trace down the people who may have known them and to go back to the village where he came from and it’s sort of tickled my interest. So when we came back from the, uh, from the services that we have in New Jersey, I went to our local library and my first thought was, well, let me go. And L investigate my adoptive mother’s, uh, heredity. It didn’t last a whole long time, because as I realized, what was now available online, I said, this is a chance to take a quick look and find out what my story is, what my true story is. Right. And, uh, you know, I was, I was adopted at birth that was taken home at the age of a day in one day. Wow. Amazing. 

 Speaker 2: (10:56)

Think that even still happens, but that’s so, um, 

 Speaker 3: (11:01)

I was born at noon on May 17th, the Monday. And I went home with my adoptive parents to follow them day. 

 Speaker 2: (11:09)

Wow. 

 Speaker 3: (11:11)

So it was a privately arranged adoption. And as I went through the paperwork that had been left after my own parents passed away, I found a certificate of birth by adoption from New York city. And I found the adoption decree and the adoption decree had my biological mother’s name on it. I was able to get onto ancestry, typed it in. And you know, what I think is most people who have been Dallas Panther where, you know, just the screens of information popped up the, yeah, the first ones were this, the civil documents, the, you know, the census, things like that. And I gave me a very quick glance and I found that she wasn’t a school girl. She, she had been 23 when I was born. 

 Speaker 3: (12:09)

Then I found a visa traveling from the United States to, to Rio de Janeiro. And it had her picture on it. I was absolutely stunned. You know, all of a sudden you have almost 70 years to sit there and look and say, there’s my mother. And I sent it home. And you know, when I get back from the library, you know, my wife was home. I said, you like to see a picture of my mother. And she said, well, I know exactly what your mother looks like. And I said, no, not that one, this one. And that sort of started to open the flood Gates the next day I was back to the library and looking for more. And I couldn’t find anything her there, her maiden name was Genevieve Irene or Rouse mouthful. Yes. And Googling under that hole, I could find where the family records, things like that. And I I’ve had some interesting coincidences. You know, she, she grew up probably two or three blocks away from where my parents brought me home after I was adopted after I left the hospital. So there are a lot of close misses and I continued to look, and then I found a marriage license for her in 1950s, 1955, I believe. So this was several years after I was born. And it listed, her name is Genevieve Norris NeuroSky and it listed her occupation as performer. 

 Speaker 3: (13:52)

So that gave me a little bit more to go out. So I did what everyone does. I immediately flipped over to Google and typed in Genevieve Norris performer and the blog of a woman who, who called herself a picker. This is somebody who goes to yard sales and auctions and buy small items with the thought of reselling them. Her blog appeared and the blood contained probably 10 various piece pictures or pieces of a femoral all related to Genevieve. True. It turned out that she was a very prominent ice skater in the 1940s and going into the 1950s. So yeah, that was, that was kind of flabbergasted by that. You’re looking at a good part of the story. So I, you know, I then went Facebook and tried to find the picker. Cause my first thought is, I wonder if she’s still got these things and she’s still got the most, she sell them to me. 

 Speaker 3: (15:02)

So I, you know, I sent them, I found a name that seemed, it was the right name. There were three or four with the same name, but she was in Atlanta. And so it was the closest and, and she, I think she was associated with an antiques mall. So I said, okay, that seems logical. So send a message. And every, every correspondence is sent from that, the time was always started with, hello, you don’t know me, but I’m pursuing a family relationship. And I’m just curious if you’re the right person, then do you still have the, you know, the materials? And probably within 10 minutes, I got a message back saying, yes, I’m the right person. Yes. I’ve still got them. Wow. So I’m real excited at that point. So they sent me another message back. I said, can we talk? And she said, yeah, I’ll call you. And probably for a week, I didn’t hear from her. 

Speaker 4: (15:59)

Great. 

 Speaker 3: (16:01)

It was, yeah. I was going a little bit nuts, but it was still good to know she had this stuff. And so finally, a week later I sent her another message saying, I’m S yeah, I don’t mean to pester you, but to clarify, so said, I believe this one is my mother. Would you please call me? And the phone rang probably 30 seconds after I sent the message. Wow. And she said, Oh my God, I am so sorry. She’s like, can’t believe that. And she said, you need to come here. And they was just like that, you know, we’re in North Carolina, she was in Atlanta. And within a week we were on our way to Atlanta with arrangements. They’ll come, you know, she and her husband who is also a picker would come to the hotel, bring these things to see. And yeah, we’ll spend some time together and that’s exactly what happened. And they, you were sitting down in the lobby and the woman came in first alone and carrying a big carton. 

 Speaker 3: (17:06)

And it was, you know, it was like, we had always known one another, just a lovely, lovely person. And probably about five minutes or later, her husband who had been parking, the car came walking in and he comes walking in with a, with a, uh, with a sword and a shield. I love teenage mutant, Ninja turtles attracting some level of attention in the hotel lobby. And we eventually went up to our, to our room because, you know, just a little bit, it was more private and we had a place to spread things out and we started going through the box and it really did take my breath away. Wow. Yeah, because it was one promotional picture after another, 

 Speaker 2: (17:52)

It’s been like an allergy discovery. 

 Speaker 3: (17:54)

Well, it was, Oh, it’s brilliant. No, and then the one thing that I think is really a key here is amongst the pictures, there was a per diploma from elementary school or middle school. And then the next piece was her first professional contract. And at the age of 18 and 1943, she was making a hundred dollars a week, which was huge mindset. 

 Speaker 2: (18:26)

Yeah. I didn’t think you were going to say that much. 

 Speaker 3: (18:28)

The interesting thing was, you know, and I, I don’t know how it reflects on me. Maybe it’s just, my nature is I looked at that contract and I said, I understand everything is all right. And you know, she was faced with the decision of, yeah. Do I raise a child as a single mother at a time when being a single mother was not an appropriate or an accepted thing, do I pursue this very lucrative career? And I have no problem with the decision she made and you know, so we, before we had gotten them, my wife and I, the entire way down, we’re kind of debating, well, how much should we be willing to pay for all of this? And, you know, we brought two checks in case we get into a kind of work that had to work in stages. And at the end, they, I take nets and pictures that were in the box and they were of other skaters. And all of them were personalized to, to Genevieve my mother and I started writing down names because they was thinking, okay, I’ll try to track these people down one at a time. And maybe somebody could tell me something about her. And as I was doing that, Dan, who was, the husband looked at me, so what are you doing? And I explained what my process was. He said, you don’t need to do that. He said, all of this stuff is yours just been holding it for you. 

 Speaker 3: (20:09)

It was just, it was, you know, it was one of many, many kindnesses that I encountered along this journey. And ultimately I did, I went through every one of those pictures and only found one person who, who turned out to still be alive. Because I think the one great disadvantage I left myself that is, as I pursued, this was waiting so long. Most of the people who knew my mother who no longer alive, I traced this woman down via her husband’s obituary. I couldn’t find her, but I found her son and sent another hi, you don’t know me, but, and yeah, it was, you don’t know me, but our mothers skated together in the 1940s. And probably a week later, he called up, he was very enthusiastic and said, he said, I’ve talked to my mother. She would love to talk to you. Uh, I said, well, that’s great. 

 Speaker 3: (21:14)

And then he said, there’s only one issue here said moms and memory care, you must have heard me cutting gas be said, but the good news here is, you know, she doesn’t remember what she had for breakfast today, but she can tell you everything that 1947. And she and I had a great telephone call. And then in September, my, my search began in March of 19. I’m sorry, 2017 in September, we went out to visit her in Minneapolis and we spent five hours with her. She was just such a charming lady and so bright and relationship. I felt terrible for, because he had brought her out from the, from the facility. We’re going to go out for lunch. And we pulled up and I spotted her. And I almost ran from the car to hug her. It was as close as I could come to finding them. And she kind of looked at me like, what’s up here, but, you know, but then, then she understood. And she told us, yeah, she was my mother’s roommate. Well with ice Follies. And she told us all about the things they did. She said, but I, she kept on saying your mother was a star and your mother was a star. And I can’t believe the way she would get tossed around on ice skates. She said, I can tell you who she dated and I can tell you, your father was. 

 Speaker 3: (22:47)

So it was a wonderful visit. And, you know, unfortunately her name was Isabelle Smith. She passed away a year and a week ago. And what she just such a lovely lady. That’s so beautiful. You know, even at the age, she passed away at 94 and she was still beautiful what a gift. But I supposed to continue the story of how I ultimately trace down my, my birth mother, uh, going back to the pickers blog, there was a comment section on it. And there was one individual comment that he was the only one to comment at the time that I knew mrs. G I knew ms. Jen when, and I was, I went to school with her sons and I used to, you know, this is in the days of payphones. I used to go to such and such a place my bicycle and call them because it was cheaper if I went to the other side of the street than from my side. 

 Speaker 3: (23:55)

So I said, okay, well, this is somebody who might be able to at least lead me to where she is, but I didn’t know how to get in touch with him. And then somebody who elsewhere is corresponding with, I mentioned it to, and you know, probably the next day he sent me an email back saying, here’s his phone number. I never quite knew how he found it. He sent me your phone number and an email address. And again, I sent you emails saying, you don’t know me, but, and you know, and he sent me kind of around about the email, which almost seemed like he was protecting your identity, which I think was a responsible thing to do. Sure. I sent him back another email saying again, kind of blowing by the, you don’t know me and just saying, okay, Genevieve NeuroSky was my mother. 

 Speaker 3: (24:46)

Can you call me? He did that. Then he was the first person to say that she was no longer alive. You know, I started my search in 2017. She passed away in 2014. So I didn’t mean a whole lot, but she was 89 years old at the time. Uh, he told me that I had a a half a half brother and I knew that actually I knew that I had had two half siblings. One unfortunately was no longer alive and rather tragic story of a murder and a suicide miserable, miserable story. And I, uh, it’s still kind of haunting one on new year’s Eve of 2015 was involved in a very serious fire and had been in, had been in a hospital and then a convalescent home for several months at that time. And that’s why I’ve been S I had his name and I had a series of addresses, and I’ve been sending a letter, all of which come back as a dressy unknown. And that kind of explained it. So I said, well, you know, if I send a letter to you, will you deliver it for me? He said, yes, I’ll do that. 

 Speaker 1: (26:14)

[inaudible] 

 Speaker 3: (26:17)

And he didn’t still, I didn’t get a response. 

 Speaker 5: (26:21)

Okay. 

 Speaker 3: (26:22)

So I, you know, I waited some time and try it again. And he said, okay, I will talk to him again. And ultimately we did make contact and yeah, we’ve been in fairly frequent contact since, and, you know, he, he told me pretty much all that has happened. Like, you know, my mother came to rather and unhappy. And as a result of her mother’s son being involved in murder suicide, he had, could jolt her out of, or into deeding her properties. And she had substantial property into his name. And after he was involved in what he did, the, the survivors of his common law wife came in a lodge, the wrongful death lawsuit, and basically took everything that she had because it had all been put in his name. So they, you know, they filed it against the estate away. They were upheld. And, you know, she really wound up down in the end of her life, know she started her life living every, every little girl’s dream. And at the end, you know, died a very, very sad life. I think from the way my, my half brother describes it. She was not resentful, not angry, but, you know, but deserving of far more than she had. 

 Speaker 3: (27:55)

So, you know, there, there are all sorts of little quirks to story bear. You know, when I was, when I found out that she was no longer alive, I started to, to query the local cemeteries saying, can you tell me if she’s buried there? No, no, no young, again, you know, one of the cemetery superintendents took it upon themselves to, to contact the other local cemeteries and came back. I’m sorry. No, we’re not finding her. And when I finally found my half brother, after we struck up enough of a enough relationship, I guess I said, you know, you know, where is our mother buried? And there’s kind of a pause. She said, well, she’s not buried. Okay. Well, where is she? So she’s in my closet and I ain’t gonna have that. There was part of me that wanted to laugh. And there’s another part that they want us to cry. Sure. 

 Speaker 3: (28:57)

Ultimately we know. And she was there with his birth father who had passed away in 1994, the two of them on the shelf side by side. Right. Well that’s yeah. That is like sweet and sad at the same time. I’m not sure what the father’s story was, why they did, why they waited, but by the time our mother passed away, it was a financial issue and couldn’t afford to insure her. So, um, I’m losing track of time with, you know, with the pandemic now, but do, I guess it was a year ago this past August, we went down and finally entered the two of them in a cemetery down there. And it was kind of a cute story. We, they lived in a very they’re South of Atlanta and just a little old, you know, an old mill town, which is not done a great deal to revive itself, but there’s one very sophisticated restaurant down there.  

Speaker 3: (30:01)

Then my wife and I love. And every time we go down there, we get in there at least once. So we’ve always had the same waiter. Who’s not flamboyant, but who is unabashedly gay and very cheerful, very pleasant. So, you know, we were down having dinner the night before, and I saw him bringing out kind of a fancy dessert to one table. And there’s a lot of, you know, a lot of back padding and, and congratulating. Then he brought the same kind of dessert to another table. And he finally came back to ours as we finished our meal. And he said, nah, he said, I didn’t ask you about you celebrating any kind of a, of an event tonight. And my wife and I sort of looked at each other who knows. And I think my wife said, well, his mother is coming out of the closet tomorrow. And he put his hand in that, as hippie said, well, I’m down with that. And you went scurrying way to the kitchen. At five minutes later, everybody’s peering out of the kitchen. She came back with one, one of the same desserts, all in grave, new congrats on coming out of the closet. 

 Speaker 6: (31:12)

Perfect. 

 Speaker 3: (31:15)

So when he thought he thought it was hilarious, but it was a somber event, but very uplifting, 

 Speaker 6: (31:25)

Right. A moment of connection. 

 Speaker 3: (31:27)

No, it wasn’t. We, you know, the pandemic has kept us from getting down there to visit again and that’ll be a stop for us. We’ve used stuff. You know, I had mentioned that, you know, I have never given any thought to who my birth father was. And prior to the search for my mother, you know, I, I did an ancestry sample right around Christmas time where I bought them for myself and my wife for Christmas. And so before I even got the inclination to search ancestry, I sent the DNA sample then looking solely for, you know, what’s my, what’s my heredity. I had always identified on my father’s side is Sicilian. And my mother’s side is crating him. And yeah, never a hundred percent sure that that was accurate. I sort of felt the European piece, the Eastern European piece never quite filthy. Yeah. The Italian side, we came from a, you know, kind of, uh, allowed walkers, you know, closely knit Italian family or my father’s family. 

 Speaker 3: (32:44)

And yeah, it’s, I’ve always had a feeling of otherness grant. They were embracing and they were loving, but I never really felt like, okay, I’m part of this. And that was, that was me, not them. So I sent the sample in and it took forever because of the Christmas holidays, I suppose. And it wasn’t until, until may of 2017. And now by then I was deep into the, into this search and they started to get curious about, well, I wonder where my mother was when she got pregnant via, via Google. I found out that she had joined the ice Follies. And then on eBay, I found a schedule for, for the Follies, from that season. I purchased that and found out that they were, they were in San Francisco for the entire summer of 1947. I assume that I was, or kind of backtracked and decided that I had been conceived right. 

 Speaker 3: (33:49)

August of 1947. So, you know, I sent my sample in and I finally got back the, the information or the report. And I immediately went to the, to the pie chart, which is what I think most people do. Right. And found out I was like 50% Eastern European. And that felt right. And then there was another 25% of the time, which was Ashkenazi Jew. And that kind of made me chuckle, but that felt good. And then, you know, then a mixture of a little, you know, mostly Northern European and great Britain. And then I went to the list of, of, of relationships, you know, and they’re a thousand third to fifth cousins, but there was a, at the top of the list, there was a high probability, very close relationship with a first cousin. And I studied that pretty carefully. And you know, the name was not familiar when I searched farther, he had a very, very complete family tree. 

 Speaker 3: (35:02)

He turned out to be an LDS member, done great research. Right. And I said, this is, you know, this has got to be my father’s family. And I just assumed, okay, if he’s my first cousin, he needs to have an uncle someplace who was my father and his mother had, or his father had no siblings. His mother had seven siblings. It was six sisters and a brother. Oh. I said, okay, bingo, got them, looked him up and found that you’d been born in Wisconsin, I think, and then moved to Austin, Texas and had gotten to the university of Texas who was a lawyer. So I wrote to this cousin, I sent him a message via ancestry. And you know, I’d heard the horror stories about what you said, messages, and no one answers he answered in 15 minutes. 

 Speaker 2: (36:01)

Oh wow. You keep having such good luck. 

 Speaker 3: (36:05)

This has been serendipity and coincidence since all the way through 

 Speaker 2: (36:09)

Nice people. I keep getting adrenaline sort of like a little shot of adrenaline every time you say someone wrote. So I can only imagine what it was like to be in your position. 

 Speaker 3: (36:19)

And he was all excited to have, you know, to, to find her a close relative. And, and he said, okay, I’m looking at what you’re saying about my uncle. And he said, that makes perfect sense. And he told me a little bit more about the history and we agreed. We’ll, you know, we’ll, we’ll be in touch. And about, as I was discussing this with my wife, then 15 minutes later, another message drops in front of him. And he said, I was just looking at your pie chart. And you know, I was looking at that part that’s yeah. That’s 25% Jewish. You said there are only a couple of concerns. They have, you know, where your mother was when you were conceived. I said, San Francisco, you. So I might, as far as I know, my uncle never left Texas. And I can tell you unequivocably he had no Jewish blood. This is kind of disappointing now. So yet this thick and then 15 minutes later, there’s another message she said, but I have 25% Jewish blood. And as it turns out, this person who ancestry identified as my cousin was actually my half brother. 

 Speaker 2: (37:37)

Oh my gosh. I did not. I just got goosebumps. I did not see that coming. 

 Speaker 3: (37:43)

I didn’t see it coming either. I don’t think he did either. And you know, and it’s real bright men, very embracing. Yeah. He was as opposed to my maternal half brother who was very guarded, you know, my paternal half brother was his arms were open from the start. Tell me what you want. Tell me what you need. I’ll get you the information. I’ll tell you what I know. And yo, and interestingly, what his read was in those first couple of days is, you know, I don’t know who your adopted parents were, but you probably didn’t better with them than you would have with my father. And through that, he was kind of a, you know, he, he ultimately had had five wives and just, he got around, he was my half brother’s father for 10 years. And one day just said, I’m outta here and left. 

 Speaker 3: (38:45)

But a couple of years ago, I gave him no I’m losing track of our time. Probably probably February of 2019, we were out and set me, visited the West coast to see friends in LA. But we, we swung through San Francisco first to meet my brother. And we spent time with him. And he said, if you would like to, my mother would like to meet you. And she was, she was my father’s wife after I was conceived. They married a year later, I think. And then my brother was married a year after that. So, so we went out and she’s, she’s currently alive and she’s 99 years old, but we came into visit with her and she, you know, she was very sweet. My son was with us. My wife was with us and she, you know, she went through the niceties with my son, went through the niceties. My wife’s been looked at her son and said, take them and show them the house. And she pointed me. She said, you stay. And as soon as they were out, she said, I think you, you deserve to hear that your father, wow. It was a wonder, it was a generous gift. 

 Speaker 2: (40:11)

It feels like you were just, I mean, I can, I’m now starting to get a big, a deeper understanding of the title of your book that it’s like, you just got in your exploration, sort of stumbled upon gift after gift 

 Speaker 3: (40:26)

Was gift therapy gift. And that wasn’t really the inspiration for the book, but someplace deep inside, when, you know, when Genevieve is in the process of, of making a decision, yes. Somebody has a discussion with her and talks about gifts and yes, some, you see some you give, but yeah, it was a series of gifts from very generous people. And his mom basically did not have a lot of great things to say about him either, but to a certain level forgave him and, you know, kind of pinned it on his mother instead. Right. But, you know, she said, yeah. And I just, again, I, you know, more than what she told me, it was the fact that she told me that was so, so poignant. I was so grateful for. Wow. So, you know, so that’s, that’s how we put together my family tree. 

 Speaker 2: (41:24)

So with all of that, on this, this adventure, this is how you, you put together this story, which is sort of about your adventure, about your adventure, but also about your, um, and it struck me as being so, um, it’s, it’s very like, sort of beautifully detailed in the, in the, the parts I read up until. Let’s see, I guess I read up until the train station when she’s being, she’s going to go away to her first ice skating that’s as far as I’ve gotten so far. Um, so, so, um, so my question is how much of that is like creative, like creative license and you imagining the things that were going on in the family and how much of that was details that you gleaned from your research? 

 Speaker 3: (42:11)

Well, I think there are two things that place here is the chronology and people, I think have a great deal of integrity there they’re right on, right on the Mark. And I did an awful lot of research where, when, who was she with? And you know, what came in between was kind of connected dots. And, you know, I don’t have any way of knowing what did she say or what did somebody say to her? But it was, uh, an exercise in, okay. If, if this is where she wound up, what must’ve preceded it, as far as dialogue and things like that, I took creative license with it because, because I had to, otherwise it would have been Genevieve was here going to be there 

 Speaker 2: (43:06)

To me. It sort of strikes me like your, your, um, you’re developing a relationship with her by doing that. 

 Speaker 3: (43:15)

I came away feeling that I knew her. And I think it’s, it’s twofold. You know, not number one is, is I have met some people who didn’t know her as an adult. I’ve met. Obviously my half brother was the most was the closest to her. I’ve met and been with two of my maternal cousins now, who, who, if they don’t remember her, remember all the stories that surrounded her. And she was just, she was revered on two levels. Number one, she was a star. So that impresses all kids. Right? Number two is everybody just held her on a pedestal as a wonderful person. I was a talented and kind person then, and that helped through to the adults who I encountered along the way. And so, you know, that that’s certainly shaped the way I approached dialogue. Yeah, well, you’re right though. It did. It gave me a relationship with her that I might otherwise, might not otherwise have had. 

 Speaker 2: (44:29)

Well, it’s like an, it’s an exercise in, um, sort of an exercise and like a testimony to our, our sort of this, this human need and the girl, I mean, it’s a growing trend right now, but, but also just this human need for connection to where we came from. 

 Speaker 3: (44:48)

I agree with that. Uh, you know, I had, I had, we never made any connection or had I never gotten the inclination to go look in United, probably I would have been okay with that, but I feel like I’m richer for having done it. Yeah know. And I think you, you know, you had Becky Proudfit a few episodes back and I love the way she said, all I did was I found more people to love. And, you know, I think some people, unfortunately, and I can’t speak for anyone else’s experiences, but you know, they’re, yeah, they’re disappointed or they’re angry. My disappointment is I didn’t get to ultimately meet her. And maybe, maybe that was for the best. Maybe it would have come away with a whole other impression, but I don’t think so. I think where I, where I was with my, you know, at the end of my research and I shouldn’t even say the end because I’m still researching and at the end of the book, and I think we would have been pretty much the same place. 

 Speaker 3: (45:57)

I would love to have met her just to say, Hey, you know what, I’m okay. Because I think, you know, we, we tend to look at our own situations and, and probably don’t give a great deal of regard sometimes to the people who, who gave us up or, you know, in the DNA situ in the BNP situations and the people who, you know, suddenly are revealed not to be who you thought they were, you know, so it’s, uh, I would like that I would like to have had the chance I didn’t have it, you know, so this was kind of by my ability to recreate that opportunity. 

 Speaker 2: (46:40)

Yeah. Well, it’s just beautifully done. Um, and, and, and I have to be honest, you’re the first this story and I don’t, I don’t exactly know why, but this story is the first time that I have, as you were describing it, I felt along for the ride. And I’m excited at each discovery that you made. I mean, just now during this phone call and I, I suddenly just this morning have like a new understanding of why the ancestry search is fun. Again, I don’t mean that. I thought it wasn’t fun. I believed it was, but I suddenly have this new appreciation for the investigative adventure. 

 Speaker 3: (47:22)

Sure. Yeah. I think it’s a matter of the mindset that you approach it with. If, again, you know, you’re looking, if you’re open to what you might discover, you know, it’s a fun thing. If you fear what you might discover, it’s probably a whole different experience. And I can’t speak for anyone else I wrote down here. So I wouldn’t forget to say it as a, I think, you know, my adoptive parents somehow, and I don’t know how they did it. I tell every parent how to do it as that, as they in part in me with a sense of self, you know, so I was not who they were. I was not who my biological parents were. I’m I’m me. And I just, yeah, I’ve always been kind of a pragmatic person then. Yeah. So I, if, if I had found something that I wasn’t happy with that would have, I probably would have been disappointed, but it wouldn’t have changed my life, but I understand that some folks are, you know, yeah. Again, circumstances differ.  

Speaker 2: (48:36)

Right, right. They sure do. Wow. Wow. Well, if people want to read your book, which I can not recommend a more highly enough, I’m really loving it. Um, how, what’s the best way for them to, to get a copy of that? Should they, do you have a preference of distributor?  

Speaker 3: (48:59)

Well, you know, it’s, it’s can be requested through any, any made any bookseller it’s available on all older online retailers. And I do have a website it’s Degangie author.com. It’s D I G M G I author all one word.com and the book can be purchased there and I’ll, I’ll be happy to sign and inscribe it if that’s what they like and nicely packaged nicely and send it on off very quickly.  

Speaker 2: (49:33)

All right. I know what I’m doing.  

Speaker 3: (49:35)

Yeah. You’re letting me say that. I appreciate the plug of the book. It’s two intersecting stories. One is my surgeon. One is, you know, there’s this story of my mother and at the end, the two of them come together. And I think it’s in both, in both cases, it’s kind of a joyous ride. Yeah. 

 Speaker 2: (49:56)

Yeah. Oh yeah. Um, this has been lovely. Thank you so much for giving me your time, mr. Degangie, 

 Speaker 3: (50:02)

I’ve enjoyed it and that’s it. You don’t have to call me, but I’ve so enjoyed your podcast, you know, because I think you, you approach serious subject with a, I think with the sense of heart, in the sense of humor that you know, that you don’t often always find that elsewhere. And so I’ve really been enamored of the podcasts and the, your guests. 

 Speaker 2: (50:28)

Thank you so much. I’m really, I’m hoping to, I’m hoping to, I hope that my, my approach makes it, makes it, you know, uh, not more conversation, more conversational, easy to approach for people, but for people that need that, that’s what I’m trying to give them. 

 Speaker 3: (50:46)

I think you’re doing a great job. Thank you. 

 Speaker 2: (50:48)

He’s so much, um, I will be in touch with you and let you know. Of course, um, the housing winds of, of this episode will not be very long before it’s up. Um, but, uh, yeah, I’ll be in touch. Thank you for your time. Um, I look forward to it. So maybe more updates about your, your adventure, and I hope that you have a wonderful weekend out, out, out there. And are you in North Carolina while we’re in North Carolina,  

Speaker 3: (51:12)

Central part of the state, we’re kind of a, kind of a cloudy day to day. We’ve had some chilly weather and clouds and it’s warmed up a little bit, but it’s still cloudy today. And you’re a little sad, 

 Speaker 2: (51:24)

But I have a I’m in Los Angeles. My, my 17 year old daughter lives in West Virginia though. And then my, my best friend from LA moved to Tarboro, North Carolina. And so he lives there. And now my daughter is looking at the, at the North Carolina schools for college. 

 Speaker 3: (51:44)

There’s some great university. 

 Speaker 2: (51:45)

Yeah, we’re really are. So, yeah. So North Carolina is kind of, kind of on my radar in my heart in different ways. So I hope to get there soon. 

 Speaker 3: (51:57)

You bring your for a visit. Let us know I will. I will. All right. Thank you so much. 

 Speaker 2: (52:04)

Yeah, absolutely. Have a wonderful day. Thank you. Bye.