Circle Cousins

Speaker 1: (00:00)

You know, and then, so we’re recording.  

Speaker 2: (00:03)

Hopefully my tablet has enough battery. Okay. If not, we can switch to zoom on my phone. Okay. Totally. I just knew Zencaster wouldn’t work on my tablet. Yeah, sure. 

 Speaker 1: (00:21)

The saying about Doncaster, is it, um, demands? You have a computer.  

Speaker 2: (00:25)

Yeah. But it works on a phone, which is stupid. Yeah. It’s not great, but, 

 Speaker 1: (00:33)

Um, that’s okay. I’m I’m, we’re, I’m uh, at this point I am very used to technology, not working and scrambling with a guest to figure out how to make it work. Yeah.  

Speaker 2: (00:45)

So thanks for your patience there. No problem. I actually like had the wrong day in my head. I was thinking it was Sunday. And so then I got your email and then I’m like, Oh my gosh, does it today? Let me look back. And I’m like, Oh, it’s Saturday. Okay. Okay. We’ve got to get, 

 Speaker 1: (01:07)

There’s a part of me that wants to be like, well, if you want to do it another day, we can. But I also love getting people just like, kind of, not kind of what not like when you least expect it, but I love sort of just like getting thrust into it. Cause if you get too prepared, sometimes it’s harder to have a conversation.  

Speaker 2: (01:24)

Um, and I know, and I’ve told a million people in my life about my story. So like, um, I’ll just wing it. I didn’t, I didn’t like write notes or anything.  

Speaker 1: (01:37)

What I really like about this one is that, um, in the same, in the same vein of you thinking it was another day, I don’t know anything about your story. And a lot of times people send me, you know, like detailed the deep, the story already. They send me these long emails. And um, so I always, but so there’s something to be said about being prepared and knowing what your story is. And then there’s a different kind of enjoyment and process of like, having you tell me a story that I have no idea what we’re about to get into. It’s like walking blind into a movie theater or something.  

Speaker 2: (02:06)

So, um, so,  

Speaker 1: (02:09)

Um, just, uh, either correct me or affirm, how do you pronounce your name? Dalan it is Dalan okay. 

 Speaker 2: (02:17)

Yup. Yep. Um, it only has one Y in it though. So it makes it a little funny it’s okay.  

Speaker 1: (02:24)

Right, right. I wrote, I keep writing it day, like day, 

 Speaker 2: (02:28)

But it’s very common. Yeah. That’s how you say it. 

 Speaker 1: (02:34)

We’re phonetic here in this co in this culture. Um, okay. And where are you? 

 Speaker 2: (02:40)

Minnesota, Minnesota. How’s the weather cold. Yeah. It’s so cold. Yeah. It’s literally the coldest day. We’ve had all winter today. It’s it’s zero degrees. So no warmth, no nothing. Zero.  

Speaker 1: (03:03)

Yeah. Wow. Zero. The lack of heat. Lack of temperature. Okay. When you’re inside, you’re warm enough. Um, so tell me, tell me how you tell it. 

 Speaker 2: (03:19)

Well, I mean, there, there are, there are several angles we can shoot. I have this bizarre thing called, um, circle cousins that I that’s what I call it. Cause there’s no name for it in Michael cousins. 

 Speaker 1: (03:35)

I’m just going to take notes. Cause I, and I don’t even know if they’re really going to be helpful, but I just want to write down. I like, I like writing while listening circle cousins. Okay.  

Speaker 2: (03:45)

Yeah. Okay. So let’s go, I guess, to the beginning. Um, so I’ve always had an interest in genealogy. I had, I’ve had a humongous family tree on ancestry for like, I don’t know, 10 plus years, because just last years. Oh yeah. That’s just one of my things. That’s just like something I liked. It was always really cool to me to like get into history and things like that. Are you more? No, I’m not. Okay. There’s not many Mormons in Minnesota. We’re Lutheran. Okay. Oh, of course you are. I knew that. Okay. That’s just about everybody up here. Right? Anyhow. Um, so I had this huge family tree. I always thought, Oh, it’d be so cool to do like the DNA test to just because I’m interested in the history of it, but sorry, go ahead. 

 Speaker 1: (04:43)

All right. So you, so when you say you have, you had a family tree on ancestry.com that was primarily based on documents, records and documents. Okay. Continue, carry on. 

 Speaker 2: (04:54)

Yep. Um, so I was just like, Oh, it would be so cool to do the DNA test. Um, but you know, we it’s, me and my husband, we have three kids. You never feel like you have that extra money to just spend on something frivolous. Really. So I just was kinda like, nah, you know, we don’t really have the money right now. I’ll just wait, I’ll just wait. I’ll wait. Cause it wasn’t like, it was just for fun. And so we just had a little bit of extra money and I’m like, it came on sale again and it had, was advertising to me and I’m like, Oh, it’s on sale. And I’m like, Oh honey, can we do this? Can we do this? It would be so cool. You know? And he’s like, sure, whatever. So I ordered them and uh, I like, I was excited about it, but not like so excited where it came and it was like the number one priority on my list. So it really sat on my husband’s dresser for two months. Yeah. 

Speaker 1: (05:53)

Let’s us, that’s becoming such a part of the story for everybody. It’s where, where did it sit and for how long? Yeah.  

Speaker 2: (06:01)

And so it just sat there and I’m like, Oh, I guess, I guess we should probably do these. Cause I don’t know if like they expire, they go bad or if I spent this money and it’s going to go in the garbage, you know? So, um, so about little after new year’s day of 2020. So about a year ago, um, we spent in the tube, we sent them off, um, waited several weeks about mid February. My results came in. So I’m like, Oh cool. You know, I was like, so excited to go and like look and that the ethnicity and the matches and all the things. And I wasn’t like looking for anything specific, just, just for fun. And uh, but I’m really smart. And I know a lot about this and I know a lot about how the site works. And um, so I went into my matches or I went into my ethnicity, looked at my ethnicity, you know, it’s like Norwegian German. I mean I’m from Minnesota. That’s pretty standard.  

Speaker 1: (06:58)

Pretty standard. Yep.  

Speaker 2: (07:01)

Yeah. So nothing out of the ordinary in my ethnicity. And uh, so then I’m like, Ooh, I should see who I match. Like see if there’s any of my cousins that I know or anything like that. So I go in right off the bat and my very closest match. It says it’s a first cousin and it’s a name I don’t even know. Oh, I’m just thinking, well maybe someone put someone up for adoption. They didn’t tell anybody, you know, no big deal. It happens. 

 Speaker 1: (07:30)

And so I’m like, all  

Speaker 2: (07:31)

Right, I’ll come back to that later. So I’m like scrolling down and just looking for names that I know. And I calmed down to ’em about, it said it was about a second cousin, but it was a name I know like I was like, Oh yeah, that’s my mom’s cousin. You know, like I knew exactly how I was. 

 Speaker 1: (07:49)

Well, yeah. I mean, it’s, you’ve been doing the family tree for 10 years. Like you’re pretty, you’re pretty versed, versed in the, in the yeah. 

 Speaker 2: (08:00)

Um, and I knew in real life, so I’m like, Oh yay, cool. You know, and he had a huge tree on there too, like that he had built and it’s my mom’s cousin. And um, for anonymity of other people, we’ll call him Adam. 

 Speaker 1: (08:14)

Sure. But, uh,  

Speaker 2: (08:18)

Yeah, this huge family tree and I’m like, Oh, that’s so cool. I’m so glad I found someone. I know. And I found a few other cousins on my mom’s side. Um, I didn’t find any that I specifically knew were from my dad’s side. I had a bunch of unknown ones, but uh, my dad was an only child, so I don’t have any first cousins on his side. Only second cousins are further. And so it wasn’t totally out of the ordinary that I didn’t see anyone I knew because you don’t always know like you’re second, third cousins and beyond that’s the stretch. So that didn’t raise any red flags. And um, so like the second I grabbed my results, I got a message on ancestry from this first cousin of the name. I didn’t know. And he said, I’m adopted and it looks like we’re a close match. 

 Speaker 2: (09:11)

Like first cousins, could you help me find my birth family? And I’m like, Oh, fun. Like what? This sounds so cool. Of course. All of you, you know, and I’m like, Oh awesome. I can figure out how this DNA thing works and help people connect and all the things. So, um, so the tests were still on sale at that point, or it was like an, a new sale or something. So, uh, sure. So I’m, I’m fairly close with my mom. So I asked my mom, I was like, if I buy you one and test, will you test for me? Because it might help this other guy solve his mystery because this cousin was like around my mom’s age. So my thought was maybe he’s a generation apart from me and maybe my mom will nap in closer and that might help, you know? And she’s like, yeah. She’s yeah. Okay. That’s fine. So, so my mom tests and her results come back cause I’m a manager for results. So she doesn’t even see them cause she really doesn’t care if she’s doing it. Um, and uh, she matches me. Of course she doesn’t match this mystery cousin. So I’m like, okay, well that’s on my dad’s side then, but I’m like, I don’t have any first cousins on my dad’s side. My dad’s an only child. This doesn’t make sense. So then 

 Speaker 1: (10:38)

There’s still, I’m sure there’s a logical explanation to all of this. 

Speaker 2: (10:43)

It’s still on sale. Um, so I go to my dad and I asked him like, Hey, I have this weird cousin match. I’m trying to figure it out. You know, would you mind testing because then I can see how close he is to you. Cause he’s not related to my mom. So he must be related to you. And he’s like, Oh sure. You know, and he 

 Speaker 1: (11:06)

In Minnesota, I sure will do it. Okay. Yeah, no problem. Um, quick question. Are your parents, or are your parents, uh, w uh, where your mom and dad married at this time? 

 Speaker 2: (11:20)

No, they’ve been divorced since I was five and I’m 30. So, um, no relationship is like, it doesn’t matter what, whatever happens beyond that, but, um, but yeah, so he tested as well, um, in, well, waiting for his results. Cause it takes six to eight weeks to, it takes a long time. I’m continuing to do my research on ancestry. And so in order to do my research, um, beyond this first cousin who, I didn’t know this mystery cousin, we’ll call him, uh, right below him. Adam second. Yeah. No, that’s the, we know 

 Speaker 1: (12:01)

No mystery cousin. We don’t. Okay. Sorry. Sorry. 

 Speaker 2: (12:05)

That’s okay. Um, so down further from him, there was another cousin with a name, I didn’t know. And she was like a second cousin or so. And she has a pretty big family tree that I can see and I’m looking and looking and I’m like, how can she be this closely related to me? And I don’t know any of the people in her family tree and she’s not related to my mom. So she has to be on my dad’s side. So I’m like, this is just weird. I have stopped  

Speaker 1: (12:35)

Breathing. I have stopped breathing by the way, on the edge of my seat, what, okay,  

Speaker 2: (12:42)

This makes no sense. So she had her full name on there. So I found her on Facebook and like, sometimes people don’t get your messages, but sometimes they do. So I sent her a message on Facebook and I said, Hey, I think we’re, um, ancestry and ancestry match. You know, I said, would you mind, um, I’m trying to help someone else. And I explained how this guy was adopted and he’s related to both of us. And I’m trying to help him figure out where he fits. Would you mind sharing your tree with me so I can see the living people because how ancestry does it is if people are still alive, it says private, unless the person shares with you. Right. So I can only see people that have passed away, like her great grandparents and beyond historical figures. Yup. Yup. And so she was like, Oh, sure. She’s like in her twenties, from Wisconsin, 

 Speaker 1: (13:40)

We’re all in the Midwest and we all get along. 

 Speaker 2: (13:44)

Yeah, exactly. So, um, so she shared her tree with me so I could see the names of the living people. And I’m like, okay, great. So I made my own tree using her. Cause she’s my top match that knows something about where they come from. That’s on, not on my mom’s side. Cause my cousin Adam is on my mom’s side. So, uh, so I start looking at her tree and I built my own version of her tree starting with her. And I started building it up and out and up and out based on records to try to find how she matched other people. We were related to me and her, because if I can figure out how she matches, it might give an indicator of how I match them or why they met, because I don’t know them, 

 Speaker 1: (14:34)

Which would then help understand how the Mr. Heads in matches. 

 Speaker 2: (14:39)

Yeah. Right, right. Because he’s such a close match to me. Right. Um, and so while I’m doing this, I look at mystery cousins, uh, matches in common. Okay. And he is her, which is great. He also has my cousin, Adam, who is related to me on my mom’s side. But my mom is not related to mystery cousin 

 Speaker 1: (15:07)

Where I would have, this is where I would have just put it all down and given like the, I can’t, if this isn’t Nope.  

Speaker 2: (15:16)

Yeah. And so I’m like, well, that doesn’t make sense. I’m like, because Adam is related to me on my mom’s side, like his mom and my grandma are sisters. So I know exactly how we’re related. And this is on my mother’s side. How can he be lated to mystery cousin? Luke will say, Luke, it doesn’t make sense. Like, it doesn’t make sense that Adam’s related to me on my mom’s side. My mom’s not related to Luke, but Adam’s related to Luke and I’m related to him. So I got ahold of Adam. I called him cause we know each other, you know, would you mind sharing your matches in common, um, with Luke, like show me your list because I have my list in common with Luke, show me your list. So he shows me his list 

 Speaker 1: (16:12)

Because he’s from Minnesota too. So he’s just totally open and willing to do this, huh? Yup. 

 Speaker 2: (16:18)

Okay. Um, and so he shares his list and well we know each other too, so that helps, but every single person on there is different except for me and every single person on my list is different except for him. So us three, Luke, Adam and me are, are all three related to each other, but we don’t have any other people like in common that cross that cross.  

Speaker 1: (16:54)

Right. You just, you just poofed into existence out of a vacuum. Okay. 

 Speaker 2: (17:00)

I’m like, this doesn’t make any sense. I don’t get it. Then I started thinking, I was like, so I haven’t found any matches specifically related to my dad’s side. Like that. I know that I know for sure, like this is on my dad’s side. So I was like, what if, uh, what if Luke, what if one of his birth parents is related to Adam on his father’s side? And the other birth parent is related to me on my father’s side and me and Adam are related to each other on our mother’s side, cousin circle, cousins. I, 

 Speaker 1: (17:46)

This is where we it’s like, okay. The podcast, it needs to start having animation, like a CR like we need a whiteboard. I,  

Speaker 2: (17:54)

Well, yeah, like I almost have no idea if you want to write it down. You can, 

 Speaker 1: (18:01)

I am. I’m going to write it down. I’ll okay.  

Speaker 2: (18:04)

All right. So, okay. Wait. Okay. So there’s me. All right. You. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. On one side of me would be Luke. And on the other side of me, Adrian or Adam, sorry. Nope. It’s okay. We can fix that. Okay. Um, and so Adam is sorry, go ahead. Yep. Luke is related to me on my dad’s side. Adam is related to me on my mom’s side. Yeah. Okay. Adam is related to Luke on Luke’s mom’s side and Adam’s dad’s side. Pretty much. Once we discovered who Luke’s parents were. Um, his mother is related to Adrian and Adrian Adam’s dad’s side. Sorry. Nope. That’s okay. And his father is, um, is related to me on my dad’s side, but me and Adam are connected through our mothers. Okay. It makes a big circle, but it’s not like a, it’s not hillbilly stuff.  

Speaker 1: (19:34)

Right? Like cousins never. Right. First cousins number got married or something like that. It’s that great first cousins. Oh my gosh. So it’s it the generation. Yeah.  

Speaker 2: (19:46)

Above them. Um, I don’t even know. I don’t even know what I’m asking. I don’t even know if I can draw you a big diagram. 

 Speaker 1: (19:55)

You totally have to send me. You have to, you have to, because this, I just have circles overlapping one another and it says, father, mom, mom, Daylin. Don’t bother mom, like cousins.  

Speaker 2: (20:07)

Right, right. It’s it’s the most bizarre thing, but so how I solved it. So, um, my dad’s results are not even in yet, still today as of today. No, they are now. 

 Speaker 1: (20:23)

Okay. They are now, but at this point in your journey, right?  

Speaker 2: (20:26)

Yes. And so I’m building and building and building on this fake tree that I created off of this girl that’s related to me and Luke. Okay. And, um, I built up from her. Okay. So like up would be like parents, grandparents. Okay. Then if you build like sideways you’re into like grandparents, sisters, and brother, you know, from them, you would go down to like their kids and their kids as kids. Does that make sense? Yup. Yup. Yup. Okay. So I built up from her. I started building over like her grandparents and great-grandparents brothers and sisters and then on down. Okay. To find other DNA matches that we have in common. So I find a second cousin that is from her great grandfather. So it goes off to the side. Like one of his siblings had kids and kids and it’s a second cousin. And then I find a second cousin that’s from her great grandmother down and over.  

Speaker 2: (21:35)

I don’t know if you know where I’m going with this, but I can’t share DNA with person a and person B, unless I shared DNA with this couple, right. Like I have to share DNA with both of them in or this one and this one, you know? And so I’m coming to this realization that how do I share DNA with both of her grandparents? Because that doesn’t make any sense, anything that I’ve ever known. So I look below her great-grandparents and below them, they have four sons. The youngest of these four sons is seven years older than my mom. Okay. So like, I can’t come from any generation below that because the Aprils wouldn’t work. Yeah. Got it. I have to come from this generation right here, these four, the one of the four sons. And so at that point I called my mom and I said, um, do you have something that I should know? And she’s like, what? And I was like, so which one of these four men is my dad, my actual dad, because I didn’t know I had a different dad, but the DNA is telling me I do. 

 Speaker 2: (23:04)

And, uh, she just, she started crying and it, and she was like, I didn’t know. And I’m like, what do you mean? You didn’t know? How, how did you not know? Hmm. You said, uh, she was with my dad, the one I grew up with, she, they got into a fight and she went to a party in another town, which is where these men were from. And, uh, she was with this guy one at that party. And then she was right. She was right back with my dad. She found out she was pregnant and assumed that I belonged to my dad. The one I grew up with. Right.  

Speaker 1: (23:58)

I’m having reconciliation love making. 

 Speaker 2: (24:03)

Yeah. Well, through that, they got married, they got married when was like, uh, four or five months pregnant with me. 

Speaker 1: (24:15)

Oh, I really, I like, I really feel like, I pretty much know these, I know the direction of these stories often, or like, I know how these things, but that one really CA I was like, okay, so it’s like a cousin story or like, okay, so this is going to be so, because your parents were, so your mom was so willing to give you the DNA, the do the test. So I was like, okay, so it’s not her and her mom. 

 Speaker 2: (24:42)

Yep. Wow. Yeah. So I was like, so which one of these guys is it? So, as I said, the youngest was seven years older than my mom. The next one up from him would have been 17 years older than my mom. And then went out from him would have been like, I don’t know, 20, 20 plus years older than, so it was, it was less likely to be, it was most likely to be the youngest one possible, but less likely. Yeah. But I wanted her to tell me, like, I didn’t even, I just gave her the four names and I gave them to her in a random order. And I didn’t tell her how old they were or anything because I wanted as concrete of evidence as I could get from her memory without leading her. And, uh, so she told me which one, um, she remembered that it was, and she’s like, it it’s, it’s Tom. And I’m like, okay. Uh, and, uh, yeah. So then, uh, she was like, now, before you go blow up your whole life, and I was like, what do you mean?  

Speaker 2: (25:47)

And she goes, just, just wait awhile, just wait awhile. And I’m, I’m in tears and I’m freaking out. Cause like, everything I’ve ever known is not what I thought it was. Um, and I’m not close with my dad, not at all. Um, his, his wife is not great and she’s been around for a long time and him and I had not gotten to develop, um, a close relationship. And, uh, so of course in my mind, I’m like, well, I want to meet these people, you know, because, because I’m not, you know, I’m not hurting anyone else. Like if I am hurting them will, that’s their problem. I mean, my dad lives two miles away from me. My dad, I grew up with and we don’t ever see each other. We see each other in holidays. I mean, yeah. 

 Speaker 1: (26:45)

Yeah. I have a question. Were you, were you communicating with, um, like Adam and Luke during this whole time and mystery? Like, were you communicating with them? So they were all kind of in this conversation 

 Speaker 2: (26:58)

To figure it out. Okay. Yep. And so, uh, so then I went back to my tree research and granted my dad’s results are not in yet still cause this takes six weeks. So I’m like really deep diving into this. But at that point I had my answer. I mean, I mean, I knew before his results even came in like that he wasn’t going to be related to me at all. 

 Speaker 1: (27:26)

How did that feel knowing that, 

 Speaker 2: (27:28)

Uh, I, I was freaking out, you know, I was crying. My mom said, she’s like, well, you know, what’s everyone gonna think of me. Everyone’s gonna think I’m a horrible person. And I don’t know if this was cruel of me or not, but I just said, um, who cares? And like, what do you mean? And I said, this is not 1955. This is 2020. You haven’t been with my dad for 33 years right now. I was like, no one cares what you did when you were young and stupid. And 22 years old, if anyone should care, I should care. My opinion matters. And it doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks, you know? And I was like, you know, I can’t say for sure if you knew where you didn’t, you tell me, you didn’t know. And if you didn’t know, I mean, my way of thinking was, Hmm, sorry. 

 Speaker 2: (28:28)

My way of thinking was I get it, like I was 22, right. Stupid. And like, you’re not always paying attention to that kind of thing. And it is what it is. I can’t ever know if that’s the truth that she didn’t know or that she did know. Right. If she’s not going to tell me, I can’t go back to 1982 and like be a fly on the wall and see exactly what happened. Right. So I can only can control what I’m going to do with this information now. Um, and so my choice was not to dwell on any ill feelings toward her, because I’m just like, I just need to, I just need to focus on like, what is now, like, I don’t need to worry about that. Or like have some crazy falling out or some big relationship issue. I can move forward with what I want to do, which is, um, contact these people and let them know like that. I exist and see what happens from there. 

 Speaker 1: (29:33)

Yeah. I think that’s really generous of you, um, too generous and, and like diplomatic to, and I think it’s so important for us to every, I know everybody has different stories and there are certainly lots of factors that go into each one, but empathy for our young, young, young parents is so important. It’s like such an exercise in remembering what we were like and the kind of things we or our peers were doing. Um, it’s very, I think for a lot of people just like shocking and eye opening and some people can’t do it. They just can’t do it. They just can’t go there with their parents. But so, um, yeah, so I, I really recognize a lot of that. Um, that really resonates with me. I think a lot of people do. So you want to meet these people? 

 Speaker 2: (30:20)

Yeah. Yep. Um, so my, my mom was, you know, just like, just wait before you blow up your whole life. Just think about this for a couple of days. And I’m like distraught and I’m beside myself, I’m bawling my eyes out, like off and on that whole day. And I’m like, I’m not going to wait. And she’s like, what do you mean? You’re not going to wait. I’m like, I’m not going to, because if they don’t want to be a part of my life and if they want to reject me, why do I want to have all these crappy emotions right now? And then calm down and then have crappy emotions again, I’d rather just like, get the whole ball of wax out of the way, if it’s not going to work out. Like, I, like, I want to just feel all these feelings now and like purge myself of them and be done with it in case I have to move on, you know? And maybe they want to be a part of my life. Cause I don’t know. Um, and so she’s like, okay. And I’m like, well, yeah, I’m probably going to try to contact them today day. I was just like, I got to do it. And so, uh, so I started, you know, light Facebook stockings. So I, I knew was I knew who his wife was. I also knew he had four other daughters. So I have four sisters 

 Speaker 1: (31:43)

After growing up an only child. 

 Speaker 2: (31:46)

Oh no. Um, I had, I had a younger brother and then I had a half sister from my dad. 

 Speaker 1: (31:53)

Okay. All right. So now the family has just expanded exponentially.  

Speaker 2: (31:58)

Yeah. Yep. Um, so I’m like, okay, I want to contact these people. So I start like looking up the name on the internet to see if I can find a phone number, what I can do. So then white pages.com comes up and you know, they only give you limited information unless you want to pay for a subscription. And it said a subscription is four 99 a month. And I was like, um, I think this is worth $5. Right. I can do this for $5. Yeah. This feels worth it to me. They got 

 Speaker 1: (32:40)

You. What a sucker. It felt, it felt pretty big. Yeah. Yeah. The least. Yeah. 

 Speaker 2: (32:50)

So I signed up for the subscription and I tried to find my dad’s number. My bio dad, and the numbers were wrong. Like that showed up. Okay. So then I’m going down and I’m like, all right, I better pick one of the sisters then like, that’s the next thing I can do. Brilliant. Okay. Yeah. And so the sisters, so how it, I had done all my research and I knew where everybody fit. So he had had a prior marriage before me and, uh, had, had, had, had one daughter and then was divorced and there was a gap and I have, 

 Speaker 1: (33:28)

He went to a party during that gap. Yep. 

 Speaker 2: (33:32)

And then he met his new wife and they had three more daughters. Got it. So the bright side is I wasn’t a part of any infidelity on his side. So with that going in. But, um, so my thinking was, well, I’ll call the oldest sister because she might be more empathetic to my situation cause she has a different mom to, you know, than the other three. Um, and so I called her or, well, I started out by texting her. 

 Speaker 1: (34:04)

Uh huh. 

 Speaker 2: (34:07)

Hey, is this Annie? And, and she’s like, yeah, who is this? And I’m like, I think I should explain that in a phone call, do you have time for a phone call? 

 Speaker 1: (34:19)

She’s like, what is this freaky thing that’s happening to me? 

 Speaker 2: (34:23)

And she goes, okay, but who is this? And I said, I really need to explain it over the phone. And so I talked to her and um, she seemed very skeptical, 

 Speaker 1: (34:37)

Of course. Yeah.  

Speaker 2: (34:39)

Like very standoffish, you know? And I said, and I was like, I think your dad is my dad. And she’s like, well, who’s my dad. And I said the name. And she’s like, that’s not how you pronounce our last name. And I’m like, I’m sorry. 

 Speaker 1: (34:55)

Yeah. 

 Speaker 2: (35:00)

And um, I mean, so she stayed on the phone and she listened to me enough and I was like, I have, I have evidence. I have proof. I have DNA matches. I can text you them. You can look at my Facebook. I’m not a crazy person. All the things I was pretty desperate, you know, sounding I’m. Sure. Um, and then, uh, um, she said, well, do you mind if I talk to one of my other sisters about this first? And I was like, no, that’s fine. I mean, I’m pretty sure I would’ve agreed to anything just about 

 Speaker 1: (35:31)

Like anything to, to, to, 

 Speaker 2: (35:35)

Yeah. I want to be able to talk to who is my dad, you know? And, um, so she talked to her other sister and then they both called me both these two sisters and we’re talking and like from the minute we spoke, the other sister, it was like we were inside each other’s heads. Like there all along. It was crazy. I think I talked to her for an hour and um, they’re like, okay, well we’ll bring this information to mom and dad. It probably won’t be til tomorrow that you hear back. And I’m like, okay, that’s fine. You know? Um, you know, like I said, I probably would have agreed to anything. Um, and, uh, so they, they brought the information to, uh, their mom and dad. They didn’t seem surprised at all. In fact, they were like, well, you know, we had a conversation about this early in our marriage that if anything, like this ever happened, how we would handle it. Oh, okay. And I was like, that’s so mature. 

 Speaker 1: (36:43)

So imaginative and mature. Wow. 

 Speaker 2: (36:46)

I mean, I guess my bio dad knew that he had had a really crazy time in between marriages and he told her right off the bat that he didn’t, uh, he wasn’t discounting the fact that there could be random kids, you know, amazing 

 Speaker 1: (37:03)

Mom, wait, that’s really, self-aware dad. Very honest. And self-aware 

 Speaker 2: (37:09)

Right. And so, uh, so then my, my one sister texted me and said, Hey, um, he said, you can call him and gave me his number. And I’m like, now, am I supposed to call now? It was like 9:00 PM. So in he’s in Florida. So it was in Florida and I’m like, am I supposed to call now? Is it too late? He’s like, yeah. Now I’m like, Oh my gosh. Okay. So, um, so I called and, um, it was so easy. It’s like, we have the same personality I get from him. I get my nose from him. Like it, yeah, it was. So it was so weird. It was so surreal. Um, it like fast forward, you know, this was may, this was made by the time I had finally figured everything out and contacted them. And uh, 

 Speaker 1: (38:08)

Hold on one second, one second. Um, because the, the I’m going to text my husband and see if he can take the baby just to any other room than the one right here. Can you hear, I don’t know if you can hear, I can hear it. Yeah. 

 Speaker 2: (38:22)

Yeah. I can. No. I said when they’re, when the, uh, sound started at the very beginning, we weren’t actually talking yet. I was like, your house sounds just like my house. Yeah. Like you were in kitchen. You were 

 Speaker 1: (38:36)

There. I always feel, I always feel bad when I ask them things like this. But when he does his podcasting, it’s like, turn off the water, turn off the air. Can’t be in the room, move everything. Don’t have TVs on. He’s like, no problem asking me all that stuff. You see what happened? All I can do is ask. I think, I think by now everybody knows that I’m in a, not sound, whatever the opposite is of soundproof room and a pretty, um, amateur setup.  

Speaker 2: (39:11)

Yeah. I mean, you have kids. I have kids. I get it. Yep. Yep. Daughter’s room. I’ve banned her from her room.  

Speaker 1: (39:21)

It’s so yeah. It’s like, yeah. Um, all right. So you’ve contacted him. You have the same nose. You’ve got your smarts from him. It was so easy. Yeah. He is a nice guy. 

Speaker 2: (39:33)

Oh yeah. Yup. Uh, so I mean, fast forward to now this was may and now it’s February. Um, last or December. Um, I flew down there to Florida with sisters. So it was my whole family and her whole family. And we stayed with them for two weeks and two weeks. Yeah. And I got to meet him finally, but we’d been talking, you know, all the time up until then. Uh, they they’ve fully enveloped me in their family. Wow. Like this just is, you’re just a part of us now.  

Speaker 1: (40:14)

I love people like that.  

Speaker 2: (40:17)

But then on the flip side, my dad, I grew up with who I wasn’t, I of course tell them, you know, him and his wife. And it seems fair. My sister and my brother, cause I don’t want to be hiding anything. If I’m going to have a relationship over here, I need to let people know. I would never cut people out of my life. Um, but they’ve kind of done that. Yeah. So, I mean, we had our first Christmas this year where we weren’t invited over there or anything like that. Um, cause that’s really all the only time we saw them was holidays. Right. That’s the only one from that family that still talking to me is actually my sister, which half sister through my dad. So now she’s not,  

Speaker 1: (41:07)

She’s your closest, longest friend?  

Speaker 2: (41:10)

Well, my sister, she still calls me her sister. It doesn’t matter what our family does. I was like, you know, our relationship can be the same. We can talk. Like we always have, because she was the only one I ever really talked to consistently. Anyway. It’s really not anything different. Yeah.  

Speaker 1: (41:34)

Yeah. Isn’t it interesting how, how it changes from person to like, I want to say from person to person, but like from like, if, if, if you’re the center it’s like you and your sister are going to be sisters through and through forever, no matter what, and, and you sort of that sort of like a heart, a heart feeling, right. Or like a, an emotional connection. And then, and then your, but your dad, you weren’t really connected to, now that he’s not your biological dad, you don’t have the, like your, my dad through and through forever feeling.  

Speaker 2: (42:14)

Right, right, right, right. But I still call him, my dad, like, I’ll talk about him as my dad, but I’ll talk about my bio dad as my dad. So like, I, I have to just explain, like I just totally.  

Speaker 1: (42:31)

Yeah. I mean, it’s complicated. Like it’s, it’s complicated because life is complicated. Like people are complicated in the world is complicated. So you can have all these things, you can have two dads. Um, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. So, okay. And then did you, and um, did just to, just to bookend the beginning of this tale, did you help that the adopted cousin figure out his story? 

Speaker 2: (42:59)

Yes. So, um, so as I’m building out this tree and I’m realizing that I have a different dad than who I thought things are making so much more sense with, with this girl’s tree that I made a mock-up of it.  

Speaker 1: (43:13)

Right, right, right. Right. So now it’s like all the pieces fall together.  

Speaker 2: (43:16)

Yeah. It’s my tree. I mean, she ended up being her great grandparents or my grandparents, you know, like she’s my first cousin’s child. And so because of the age difference. So I said, my dad was seven years older than my mom, but his next brother was 10 years older than Ryan and his next brothers, his other two brothers were older than that. So there’s a generation gap in the cousins. So like I mystery cousin, Luke would be my mom’s cousin or something because he was born in the sixties and I’m born in 1983, but turns out he’s my actual first cousin, all my first cousins were born in the sixties. On my dad’s side. There’s just a big age difference because of his difference between his brothers. Yeah. So, uh, so it turns out that Luke is my actual first cousin from my bio dad’s brother. Wow. So not only did my bio dad gets a surprise of me. His brother got the surprise of a son that he never knew existed because he was full for adoption.  

Speaker 1: (44:33)

Wow. So, Oh, in the same year,  

Speaker 2: (44:36)

Few months we’ll found out because, so my bio dad, just to put a neat little bow on everything, took the ancestry test too, just to make sure and solidify that everything I did was correct. He believed me right off the bat. He said, you know, I want this here so that no one else can say like you’re full of it or anything. I want to be able to show people, you know, I love this guy. Yeah.  

Speaker 1: (45:10)

Oh, nice. Yeah. Wow. 

Speaker 2: (45:13)

Yeah. 

Speaker 1: (45:15)

Wow. And have you, how, um, you, you said you have three children, are any of them of an age of like talking about this kind of thing where they have all these new family members or 

Speaker 2: (45:26)

So I have a 15 year old and 11 year old and a seven year old. Um, so they’re all really of that age. Um, I introduced it to them as we have new family. We have more family. Like I never, I never would negate like older relationships. Like I never would say like these aren’t your grandparents anymore. This isn’t, you know, like I tilt, still tell them my sister is their aunt, you know, her. Yeah. You know, because they all go to the same school. So like I never would do that. It doesn’t matter if they want to be a part of my life or not. Like they’re still going to be what they are just said, we have new family, we just have more people to love us, you know? So, yeah. So they’ve just, they’ve taken to them really well. Like, um, when we went down to Florida, uh, my dad, you know, taught my son how to wear a light on do his, um, shed because my son was getting really into electricity electrician type stuff. Cause he’s like, yeah. Um, and we went fishing and you know, just like it was really cool. It just, you know, all the fields. Yeah,  

Speaker 1: (46:47)

Totally. Oh man.  

Speaker 2: (46:51)

Uh, so, so when I took, uh, that one cousin’s tree and I built it up to figure out my story and Luke’s story on his father’s side, once we figured out who his father must be, um, at the same time I was using Adam’s tree to build up the other direction because I had a hunch that the other parent was in his tree. And so we actually identified both his mother and his father. Oh, I didn’t even think of that. I was so focused on the, the brothers. Well, that’s how the circle of cousins. Right, right. Of course. Yeah. So his mother is, uh, so in the end he ends up being, he’s my first cousin and he’s Adam’s second cousin. So he’s related to Adam through his biological mother and he’s related to me through my biological father and by pure coincidence, me and Adam are related through our mothers. Wow. Nice big circle. This huge circle. Yeah. 

Speaker 1: (48:00)

Yeah. I keep saying that every, I keep saying that I’ve, I mean, I keep saying like, I continue to be surprised. Like I kept yet. I keep waiting for, for, for the day when we have heard them all, but we it’s like every story has its own like twist and branches and roots that, um, that just show how complex this is. This is me.  

Speaker 2: (48:24)

Yeah. Well, and I looked it up and there’s like, there’s no name for that. Like, there’s such a thing as double cousins where like a brother, two brothers and two sisters marry each other and you know, like people can be cousins on both sides. Right. But this isn’t that this is like some, some different sort of thing. But somehow, you know, we’re all related to each other in life.  

Speaker 1: (48:50)

Well, cousins, I think you invented it. You maybe discovered it and we will call it circle cousins, the Daylin, the Daylin effect, circle cousins. Have you heard of it? That’s funny. Um, the, so cool. Thank you so much for telling me your story. And I think I also just want to, like, I want to thank you for, for being honest about your sort of like your emotional experience and, and talking about the stuff that’s been nice. It’s been really nice when people have nice stories, but you’re also acknowledging the stuff that’s been really hard.  

Speaker 2: (49:24)

Oh yeah. Yeah. I mean, my mom unfriended me on Facebook dad and grew up with, hasn’t talked to me since my grandma’s funeral.  

Speaker 1: (49:34)

Yeah. That’s really hard. Yeah. 

Speaker 2: (49:39)

So, I mean obviously as expected, his results did finally come in and what I, what I knew already. Yeah.  

Speaker 1: (49:48)

Yeah. That’s hard, hard stuff. Um, do you have any advice for anybody else? That’s going through something like this at any and any fake, fake, fake, you know, chapter of this or any phase of this that you feel like you could have used or, or looking back on you, you want to like impart to people?  

Speaker 2: (50:11)

I mean, one, I would say, just do what’s right for you and worry about your feelings first and foremost. It’s not like you don’t need to care about other people’s feelings, but don’t let it be about them when it’s more about, you know, don’t let that, that negative stuff, fill your head. And just, uh, I guess in my mom’s case, I don’t know that she knew, but you know, if you’re a parent and you do know something like that, tell your kids sooner than later. Because the thing that I struggle with the most is that these people are great. And, and I really, you know, love being a part of their lives now, but there’s so much that we missed. Right. You know, that we can’t get back. There’s nothing we can do about that. Right. I mean, if there’s an opportunity to, to tell people sooner than later, like just do it. Yeah. Um, and then, I mean, my passion for genealogy has just grown and I’ve helped a couple of people as a search angel. I helped a couple people find their families beyond the ones that were in my story. So that’s been kind of fun.  

Speaker 1: (51:31)

Yeah. That’s such a great way to be of, be of service with your, with your knowledge and your, your emotional experience too. That is really neat. Taylin. Thank you so much. I’m so glad you contacted me this week. I’m so glad it worked out because, um, exactly how I said, like, I love going into a story, not knowing what’s going to happen. Um, I think I’ve heard them all, but I stopped breathing. Number of times through that story waiting, waiting for the, like the shoe to drop, like, who’s it gonna be? Who’s it gonna be? What’s it gonna be? It was really, really exciting. Um, well thank you. Thank you so much. Um, and okay, well, I’ll be in touch. We’re banking, we’re doing a ton of interviews right now, and then they’re all going to come out like, uh, in a couple months, but of course I will be in touch.  

Speaker 1: (52:22)

If you want to send me a chart, explaining everything that you said, please send me all the charts and all the photographs that you want, um, and that you’re comfortable with, you know, or not, it’s totally up to you. Um, yeah, but thank you so much for giving me your morning. I guess it’s kind of closer to noon for you, but yeah, well, it’s, it’s 1230 afternoon. It’s afternoon for you. Thank you for that. Um, I really appreciate it. You’re very busy with three kids. Um, I know a lot about that, so I appreciate it. Thank them for me. Uh, and your husband. Um, and uh, yeah. Okay. Like let this is it that we did it. This is, this is what the podcast is like. All right. Thank you so much. I’m going to end the meeting. I’m going to hang up our recording, um, be in touch with me though. Okay. Perfect. Awesome. Thank you so much, Dylan. Bye bye.